M-16 (m_16) wrote,

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random thoughts...

so this winter thing really needs to end because i'm going nuts! i feel like i'm an emotional schizophrenic. happy and hyper one second, blah and depressed the next, and randomly super pissed off! i don't know why? it's like taking the stereotypical definition of pms and making me be like that every day for way longer and 4-7 days. it sucks!

i know no one cares about this but i have been analyzing myself since a "reader" came into my work and pretty much told me exactly how i am.

i have decided i am like a tangled mass of string. i love change! i welcome it with open arms, however things like my boyfriend and somewhat of a daily rutine have become something that i dont want to change. so i thrive on change, but if i really did, i wouldn't have what i have now. make any sense?

also, i am seriously obsessed with my face and hair. i take like 2 hours getting ready in the morning cause i pick and pick and pick at what isn't perfect....yet i wear the same jeans and hoodies everyday everywhere and dont give a fuck if i look cute or pretty or anything. how can i be obsessive about my looks and not give a fuck at the same time?! i have no idea.

the finishing thought at the moment is how i am so pessimistic and optimistic often at the same time or one right after the other.

do i have some disorder that hasnt been discovered yet or as of now is unknown to me? or does everyone act like this?

jon's right when he tells me i think too much. still, where would we be if we didnt think? maybe i am cracking open another area of the 90% of our brains that we dont use....after all, humans have learned that what we can touch, smell, see, and hear is less than one millionth of reality.
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